First, resist the urge to “tell all” except to perhaps your closest family or confidante. Even if your spouse has done something horrible, resist telling about it. Venting might make you feel better in the moment but in the long run it could be something you regret. You and your spouse may later resolve those issues, or move on to a more cooperative relationship, especially if you have kids together. Yet the people you have talked to will remember the horrible things you have told them, and worse, they may have repeated what you told them to others. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle and the information you shared with others likely will impact how they treat your spouse, and can also negatively impact the new working relationship you have formed with your spouse.
Second, keep in mind that during the legal divorce process you might be asked what you have said to others about your situation. Or, the persons you have talked to might be pulled into your domestic dispute and they might be asked what you told them. Certainly don’t put any venting in emails or other written documents if you would be upset if those documents were discovered and used during the legal process.
Third, you have a right to privacy. You don’t have to answer personal questions that you don’t want to answer, or that you think is prudent not to answer. If you are going to resist the urge to tell details of your divorce how do you answer questions that are inevitable? Honoree Corder, in her Huffington Post Article, The Best Answer to Nosy Divorce Questions suggests crafting a stock answer that will stop people from continuing to ask questions you don’t really want to answer. For example, you could respond with “It's been a challenge, but every day I'm getting better and better. Thank you for asking." Ms. Corder recommends you follow that with questions about the other person. Ask how they are doing, or what is new in their lives. By doing this, you can steer the topic of conversation away from your divorce without appearing rude.
Next time you are asked a question about your divorce that you don’t want to answer, try Ms. Corder’s advice.
(01/21/15)
